Loss, Change and Moving On

Loss, Change & Moving On

Loss comes in many guises. Most obviously when someone dies. Bereavement brings grief. And grieving is a process that moves through a kaleidoscope of feelings - anger, denial, sadness, acceptance - sometimes all at the same time.

Something similar happens when intimate relationships end. Whether the ending is mutual or imposed the same feelings of loss will be around. Even if the main feeling is relief at having got out of a bad situation there is likely to be a sadness at having to give up on the hope of what might have been. If you are the one who is reluctant to end feelings of rejection will compound the loss. Either way it is clear what's been lost and I can help you look at what's going on for you. This may involve looking at unresolved issues around previous endings and losses in your life.

A different kind of loss can be involved for the clients I see who come with an general sense of dissatisfaction. Nothing dramatic seems to have happened and yet they don't seem to be as interested in life anymore. Work, family, friends - anything and everything seems to have lost it's savour. Again I will work with these clients to consider the fine details of what's been going on. Usually something has changed though not in an obvious way. More likely there's been a slow accumulation of small shifts, the irritating grit of which has motivated them to contact me.

When circumstances change, we are forced to change. Sometimes we want change but everything around us resists. Either way we can find ourselves grappling with disenchantment and disappointment. It's important to realise this is not normally any sort of mental health problem. It's something every human has to face. Is the life I'm living enough? And if it isn't, what do I want to do to change it?

A decision has to be made, in or out of awareness. And, as with every decision, loss is ever-present. In choosing to stay on the road we're on we have to let go of whatever might be down that different road. And if we choose to go down that different road we have to leave what we know. Every moment, something to be gained, something to be lost.

Steve Lewis - Bereavement Counselling Lancaster